Josiah’s Adoption Story, Part 1

Our son, Josiah, turns 16 on Sunday. As we celebrate Jesus giving His life for our salvation, I would like to celebrate the unselfish love of one very special mom.

Josiah after getting his driving learner's permit in April, 2014

               For as long as I can remember, my dream had been to marry, to live on a farm, and to have six children. I had the greatest husband on the planet, we were living on a beautiful ranch, and we had five children. It was the fall of 1997, and life had calmed down at the Newman home. Rachel was 8, Nathan was 7, David was 3, Miriam 2, and Leah 1. Most people would look at those ages and think our lives were probably anything but calm. You just have to remember that life with children these ages appears to be calm when you have previously experienced life with children ages 7, 5, 1, 1, and a newborn.

Christmas, 1997

          I attribute this calmness to two things. First, I’d given up trying to go places. We only ventured out as a group if Syd was with us. I became queen of the late night grocery shoppers, on a first name basis with the night stockers at Wal-Mart. Secondly, when Leah joined the family, Syd asked me if I would like some help with the housekeeping. You can imagine that I had to ponder this offer for less than 30 seconds before agreeing to have a neighbor come in and clean once every two weeks. It was a lifesaver knowing that if I only succeeded in getting everyone fed and dressed, my house would be clean at least twice a month. I still did the laundry, cooking, picking up, and I tried to clean house on the weeks Ramona didn’t come. I was a militant user of cloth diapers, and with three diaper-clad children, I kept the Maytag running and running and running.

          So, in the midst of all this calmness, we decided to submit our paperwork to the adoption agency, asking to adopt another baby. We began the process of attending meetings, multiple interviews and training sessions, and praying God would bless us with another child. By this time, the agency staff had almost completely changed, and open adoption was the only option. We submitted a photo collage of our family and a written profile. The caseworkers gathered several profiles of families which they believed were good matches for a birthmother. They presented them to her, and she would pick her top two or three. If we were in that group, our caseworker called and confirmed that we were willing to talk to the birthmom by phone. If we did, she was given our number and we were told to expect a call.

          On a Friday in March, our caseworker called and said Carrie was interested in our family. We should expect a call from her during the weekend. We were cautiously optimistic, but also well aware that and a young birthmom might not be so keen on placing her baby with a 38 year-old couple with 5 children. On Saturday, the three little ones were napping, and Syd and I were in the backyard playing with Nathan and Rachel. The phone rang, and when I answered, there was a pause, and then Carrie introduced herself. I was shaking as our conversation began, but soon we were talking like we were old friends. The answers to her questions came easily, and I felt an instant connection. On Monday, our caseworker called and said Carrie wanted to meet us in person – the next step in the selection process.

Spring, 1998

         Early in April, Carrie and her mom made the trip to our home. Syd’s mom was there for the weekend, and after the children had a chance to meet Carrie, she took them to the playground so we could have some uninterrupted time together. It was one of the sweetest times in my life. The connection between Carrie and I was strong, and I instantly loved her mom, Priscilla. There were no awkward silences or strained conversations, no feeling like we needed to be guarded. Here we were, four people who very much loved one soon-to-be-born baby boy. In those few hours, we made life-changing decisions. We formulated how we would handle our relationship, what the placement would be like, and even chose his name together. We agreed that no one ever suffered from having too many people love him, and our goal was to love each other and love Josiah with all our hearts. Every decision we made was for his benefit. As they prepared to go home, we held each other tightly. Priscilla and Syd’s mom hugged, and I was moved to tears as Priscilla asked Vangie to love Josiah for her. It was such a bittersweet moment.       

Less than three weeks later, we received “the call.” Carrie was in labor. Throughout the day I prayed for her and for Josiah. I prayed for her parents. Josiah arrived a little after 6 p.m. Carrie had asked for 24 hours alone with him, so we didn’t see him until Tuesday evening. We arrived at the hospital when Josiah was 24 hours and 5 minutes old. We planned to have a placement ceremony in the hospital chapel on Wednesday afternoon.

At the hospital with Josiah, age 2 days

It was a little awkward at the hospital. In a way, I felt like a vulture, waiting for our baby. I saw how much Carrie loved him, and how difficult this time was for her. I’d never felt such conflicting emotions. I was so happy and excited about this sweet baby, but because I loved Carrie so much, my heart was breaking for her.

To be continued…

David's Adoption Story

The adorable baby pictured here is David, our child #3 and son #2. Today, at 19, he no longer fits in a laundry basket. He has successfully transitioned from the safety net of home education to taking  a 21 credit hour load each semester at our local junior college. David is excelling in school, and is a witness for Christ in his classes and in his role as a volunteer firefighter. He's always ready to laugh and adds a wonderful dimension to our family. I can't even imagine life without him.


It seems like only a very few years ago we received a morning call from our adoption agency asking if Syd could come home so they could do our home study TODAY. It had only been 5 weeks since we had contacted them asking if we could be considered as potential adoptive parents. Those five weeks were a whirlwind of paperwork, meetings, more paperwork, interviews, etc.

The agency director, dear Miss Teri Blanton, arrived early in the afternoon, with a very wet behind the ears intern in tow. We sat in the living room having a cheery conversation while Rachel (5) and Nathan (3) played nicely. I'll never forget the look on the intern's face when Rachel pulled out Eric Carle's The Very Quiet Cricket and proceeded to "read" it to Nathan.

"'Good morning,' said the spittlebug, slurping in a sea of froth," Rachel intoned in her sweet little five-year old voice.

The intern thought Rachel was a genius and I was a wonder mother. In her mind, we had passed the home visit test with flying colors. After wrapping up the formalities, Teri looked at her watch and announced, "Well, we better get going. We have a plane to catch. We are flying to Lubbock to pick up your new baby. He was born this morning."

Shock! Disbelief! Could this possibly be happening so quickly? After trying to get pregnant for 7 years, waiting and waiting for the adoptions of our first two children, we could not believe that the wheels of the adoption machine could ever turn so quickly. But it was, and our precious, precocious, delightful David was coming to join our family.

Today, that precious baby is a 6' 1"almost-man". He has traded soft-as-silk cheeks for scruffy whiskers and sweet, cooing sounds for a deep voice. He towers over me, and I am thankful he is a cooperative fellow, because I don't think I could really make him do anything. He brings his signature brand of laughter and joy to this family. And, while his older sister, Rachel, started our family on the adoption journey, David moved us to new horizons. With David, our family branched out of our 2-parent, 2-children who "look just like their daddy" comfort zone into the life of a multi-racial, large family that garners second looks wherever we go.

It's been quite a ride -- this parenting journey. Most days, I look around the dinner table, and I am in awe at the ways God has blessed us. He's provided for our every need and many of our wants. We have experienced so much joy. But there are other days when the weariness makes my heart ache -- when I feel like I cannot bear another hateful comment, I can't negotiate another peace treaty between siblings, I can't face another day of so many people needing me. I just want to be normal -- whatever that is.

The reality is that it's in the "I-can't-hang-on-another-minute" days that God works on my heart and conforms me into His image. After all, Jesus certainly had more than His share of hateful comments, arguing apostles, and people constantly needing Him. In those times, He made the effort to get alone with His Father and commune with Him. If it was so important for the sinless Savior to have time with the Father, then it is doubly important for me to do the same.  

As we travel on our journey, my prayer is that our lives will bring glory and honor to the One who created us. It's not about us and what a great family we are. It's all about Him and what a merciful and loving Father He is to us. He sustains us and gives us strength to go one living day by day, firmly entrenched in His love and grace. To Him be all the glory -- forever and ever.

Building a Family

In celebration of the 19th birthday of our sweet Miriam, I decided to share some of the story of how God created our beautiful family. When we began the journey of parenting, we were clueless to the heights of joy and the depths of pain we would face. Parenting our crew has drawn Syd and I closer to each other and to the the God we serve. I wouldn't trade it for anything, although I'd correct a few many mistakes I've made if I had it all to do over.

For those of you who don't know our history, we have adopted eight children as infants. Five of our children have African American heritage and one of them is Native American. Our first adoptions were termed "touch adoptions," in that we had letter and photo contact that was filtered through our adoption agency. No identifying information was shared, to the point that one child's birthmom had to use a pseudonym since she has a very unique first name.

The day we became parents to Rachel, April, 1989

Rachel (2) and baby brother, Nathan, Summer of 1991

Fast forward a few years. We were a "perfect family." We had a daughter and a son who were 27 months apart in age. They even looked like us, so no one knew we had adopted them unless we chose to tell our story. As we were having a dinner celebrating our 11th anniversary, Syd and I began sharing what was on our hearts. There was room in our hearts and home for more children, and we just couldn't get away from the nagging feeling that God had other plans for us. We prayed and prayed, and when we knew the Lord's direction for us, we contacted the adoption agency. We knew there were children from minority groups who needed forever families, and we asked the agency if we could be considered for one of these children. It wasn't long before David joined our family.

David's first day as a Newman, July of 1994

Seven months later, we were licensed foster parents, were about to finalize David's adoption, and were a shepherding family to birthmoms who needed a place to stay. We welcomed a birthmom into our family on a Monday afternoon, believing she had about 6 weeks until her delivery. Surprise...less than 36 hours later, she delivered a healthy, full-term baby girl in our living room! After the birthmom returned to her family, the agency asked us to provide foster care for the baby. David was only 7 months old, but we loved babies, especially this one, so we agreed. It didn't take long to fall in love with Miriam.

David, Nathan, and Miriam, March of 1995

Many agencies were moving toward open adoption, but our agency wasn't one of them. When we had the opportunity to adopt Miriam, we jumped at the chance, and thus became our agency's first open adoption in which the birthparent and adoptive parents met, formed a relationship, and mutually agreed to the placement. The details of how God worked in amazing ways to make Miriam a part of our family are material for another post, but let me just say that we serve a mighty God and that the fatherless truly find compassion in Him. (Hosea 14:3)

Syd and Miriam taking a nap, March of 1995